Humans in Healthcare #28 | The power of your story

The power of your story

For those who celebrate Christmas and decorate a tree, do you ever find your mind and heart lingering on a special ornament that is filled with a fond memory, person, or experience?

Me too. Here is that ornament.

This ornament is years old but is still so beautiful and bright.

It was given to me by a coworker at the stationary store in my small hometown. She was the first person to tell me I was strong when I shared my story with her. And it was the first time I realized that there is strength in vulnerability when we share our stories with others.

It was my first Christmas, newly recovered from years of struggle with Anorexia Nervosa.

See, I spent most of my teen and early adult years dying.

Anorexia Nervosa is the most lethal mental health disorder aside from opioid abuse. Eating disorders affect about 30 million people in the US. And I was one of them.

Eating disorders are often glamorized in the media or viewed as disorders of vanity, but that’s so far from the truth. They are complex disorders with many bio-psycho-social layers that require a multidisciplinary approach.

Eating disorders are not glamorous and the details are gritty, therefore I do not share the specific details of my struggle, but I can describe how it felt to me.

It was like a constant, slithering ssss in my ear that I was worthless. It was a thing, separate from myself, that preyed on my mind, soul, and body. It intertwined and latched on to the deepest, darkest corners of my insecurity and shame. It kept secrets. It created a secret within me. It distorted my vision so that what I saw in the mirror was not a true representation of myself. Ultimately, it became about disconnection from self, body, feelings, and the world. A world where I simultaneously felt both too much and not enough. 

There was a night, on the edge of seventeen — severe depression combined with Anorexia ravaging my heart, mind, body, and soul — that I didn’t know if I was going to make it through the night.

But I did.

The sun rose. And rose. And rose again.

I struggled for about 10 years, with periods of recovery and relapse. I was hospitalized twice, and spent two stints in intensive outpatient therapy, each for months at a time. I lost and found myself in between. Somehow, I was able to crawl out of the pit toward the path of recovery — and it’s well been over a decade since I’ve remained on that path.

In many ways, my life is a sunrise story.

My co-worker gave me this ornament as a symbol of my sunrise story 🌅 — that beauty can be born out of pain. And that beauty can blossom and spread hope.

Every year as I pack away the tree and this ornament, I express gratitude that I survived Anorexia and live to tell the tale, give a moment of silence for those who have not, and say a prayer of hope for those still in the fight.

But this year was different.

See, though I’ve been recovered for years, it wasn’t until recently that I have talked openly and publicly about my struggle with Anorexia and the anxiety and depression that came with it.

I held on to shame, wondering what people would think of me if I shared. Would I be stigmatized? Judged? Portrayed as weak or fragile?

Over time, I came to realize that for me, staying silent and holding on to shame meant that I, too, was contributing to the stigma. So I decided to speak because we are only as free as our secrets.

Maya Angelou says the worst agony is bearing an untold story inside of you. That was the case for me. I used to try to run from my story until I understood the power of it. Struggle can be part of my story, but shame does not have to be. It was only until I released the shame and recognized the unique and rare gift of my lived experience that I wanted to share that gift with others who needed it.

As I started to speak, I stumbled upon an amazing organization called Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders (ANAD) and found that they were accepting applications to volunteer as a peer mentor for those in the eating disorder recovery process. Peer mentors have lived experience and have recovered from an eating disorder. Their objective is to meet with a mentee every week to support them in their recovery journey.

I was hesitant to complete the application. Would my story matter? Did I have what it takes to help someone? Yet, two things have been constant in my life: fear is in front of what matters and courage is a (my) calling. So I applied and what I found was incredible fulfillment and community.

I can say with full certainty, that there is something so beautifully fulfilling about walking with someone during their struggle and helping them pick up their pen and reclaim the rightful authorship of their story again. And watch them write the next chapter.

Not everyone understands or values my story. And that’s ok. Because I know that I’ve helped at least one person with my story. That’s enough for me.

Someone needs to hear my story as much as I need to tell it.

The same is true for you.

If you have lived experience of an eating disorder, are recovered, and want to help shine the light for others, apply to volunteer with ANAD! Or if you are struggling, reach out. Beyond volunteering, it’s one of those rare places where I truly feel like I belong. And you can too.

In fact, please, do me the courtesy of watching this short video below about the Peer Mentor experience. I don’t often show my face on here because I don’t like the spotlight on me, but here I am shining bright so others can shine even brighter. It is because I’ve been in my own darkness that I can shine the light for others in theirs.

This is the power of my story.

You have a story. I hope you know how powerful it is.

Don't underestimate it.

In humanity,

Amy

📌 Community Updates:

I am gearing up to launch the Humans in Healthcare clinical community so with that note, I am taking a 2 week writing break to focus efforts on onboarding members and rest. I’ll be back with more stories in the new year. Do you want to share yours?

P.S. I am starting a public job board for clinicians! The benefit to joining the community is first access to roles like this great one below as well as warm intros to hiring managers when applicable.

Hiring managers or recruiters hiring clinical talent: you can add your postings to my public job board.

Have a wonderful holiday season 💜